We’ve all been tempted at one time or another to get back together with an ex for lots of reasons. Sometimes we’re just lonely, or it’s a case of rose-tinted glasses and it ends in disaster (again!), while on other occasions it can really work. Maybe you both put more effort into the romance, the timing is better, there is more compromise involved, whatever the reasons, it really can work. According to research, more than a third of co-habiting and married couples have broken up and got back together at some point in the past, so all is not lost.
However, we can safely say that is not the most straightforward plan but here are our top five questions to ask to help things go more smoothly:
“Do you trust them?”
Much like a good friendship, the root of any relationship is based in mutual trust and respect. Do you still have strong feelings about the break-up and where they went wrong? If this is the case, focus on being friends for a while. Go to the cinema or the park and generally just be together and enjoy each other’s company. This will give you some perspective to see what your real feelings are about them and if you trust and respect them enough to get back together.
“Are you being honest with yourself?”
Make sure you are being honest about your reasons for wanting to get back together. Do you really miss them – or do you miss being part of a couple or having someone to take to all those parties and weddings where everyone appears to be coupled up? There is a big difference between feeling strongly for that person, rather than just feeling like you need someone to be at your side.
“Why did you split up in the first place?”
Time top lay your cards on the table and analyse what went wrong the first time round. Was someone jealous? Were you arguing all the time? What was it that wasn’t making you happy? Identify the source of the problems and try to iron them out. Communicate clearly to one another what you want from the other person and maybe even draw up some ground rules about what you feel is acceptable. This will set the relationship up to thrive rather than fail again.
“Are you taking things slowly?”
Your toothbrush may already be living in their bathroom but don’t be tempted to jump straight back into how things were before. It is a good idea to view the relationship as if you would a new one and create new building blocks. It might sound like a cliché but try to get to know them all over again.
“Are you happy to walk away?”
This is important because whilst it is great to try again, you also have to consider that it might go wrong again and it will be even harder the second time round as new and deeper feelings are likely to be involved.
Have you got back together with your ex? Did it work? Tell us @lovestruck
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