“At times like this, continuing with one’s life seems impossible and eating the entire contents of one’s fridge seems inevitable…”
Are you permanently living in your onesie? Is your cat or fridge your best friend? Maybe you only brush your teeth every other day and opt for ‘dry hair shampoo’ more then the real stuff. Uh-oh, you’re showing signs of being a permanent singleton. There’s nothing wrong with being on your own of course, that is, until some bad habits take over and red flags start to wave when you go out on dates. Just in case you’re not aware of them, here are our top 10 signs that you have been single WAY too long – and if you’re failing to get a partner, you need to overhaul those pesky ways:
1. You only have baked beans or Pot Noodles in your cupboard: Fed up of cooking for one? If your cupboards contain the bare minimum to survive (and a shed load of booze) then it’s time to start looking after yourself better. When it comes to cooking for a potential partner, a large KFC bucket might just not cut it.
2. You get a cat: There is nothing wrong with having a feline friend in your life but if loneliness spurs you on to start Googling, ‘cute kittens for sale’, then it’s time to reassess whether you need to up your game when it comes to dating and getting out more.
3. You start Facebook stalking your exes: Ever found yourself Googling an ex or searching through Facebook to see what the guy or girl you dated ten years ago is up to? Then do you even think you might be able to work out your decade-old differences? Or stare ‘green-eyed’ at the photos of them with a new beau…that maybe could have been you. Step away from the computer right now!
4. Everyone has stopped asking you about your dating life: Even your Great Aunt Maud has tired of asking if you are ‘courting anyone at the moment’ and instead they ask about anything but.
5. Sundays are all about Netflix marathons: Forget long lie-ins, cosy brunches and walks hand-in-hand with a partner, Sundays are all about eight-hour box set stints. You now consider yourself an expert in all things related to House of Cards, Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad.
6. Your party invite never has a plus one: Your friends have learnt that offering you a plus one is AWKWARD!
7. You have perfected the bed ‘starfish’: When was the last time you shared a bed? Since then you have been working on your ‘starfish’ pose, which involves taking up every inch of your bed. The thought of someone sharing it breaks you out in a cold sweat.
8. You almost vomit every time you see a PDA: Couple kissing loudly on the bus? Lots of footsie going on during your morning commute on the train? If you have to stop yourself being sick, rather than just turn the other way, then it’s time to re-embrace romance. Though in fairness, public displays of affection are rather nauseating…
9. You’ve forgotten what your type is: It’s been so long since you’ve been on a date that you can’t remember the types you are attracted too or if they are even human. Time to get that list back up and running!
10. You think M&S’s Dine in for £10 is total discrimination: Having said that, you have managed to polish a few of their meal-deals off all by yourself. Impressive.
11. Celeb affair: You’re mentally having a really deep and meaningful relationship with several celebs and sometimes talk out loud to them. This is worrying in itself but when you LOL at something funny you’ve imagined they’ve said to you, whilst you are in public, it’s really time to leave the single train…
What are the other tell-tale signs of permanent single types? Tell us @lovestruck
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