With a warm mince-pie and a festive splosh of mulled wine, we welcome Julia Ford-Carther to the blog. Julia is an EQ expert (Emotional Intelligence) a dating coach and founder of The Self-Love Formula, a digital media platform that delivers modern lifestyle content for Millennial women.
Julia brings us 5 winning questions to ask on that first date. Perfect timing as it’s the busy love-season – everyone’s in the mood so you’re gonna get dated…
‘First dates are exciting, nerve-wracking and oh-so-important. You’re bringing the online offline, and taking a test drive to see if the digital attraction translates in the physical realm. So much could go wrong! Sure, but so, so much could go right…
The marker of a successful first date is a connection through conversation. To get from “Nice to meet to you” to “Are you free again tomorrow?” requires a fun volley of genuine interest and chemistry-laden curiosity. You want to know if this person sitting across the table from you makes sense for you, and you for them, don’t you? Ask, listen, engage, repeat.
You can make the most important decisions about your potential suitor and how this person will fit into your life in the very beginning stages of this new courtship.
And, if there are any red flags to find, they will make themselves known early on, and can certainly pop up during a first date.
So take advantage of this in-person airtime and really get a feel for who’s staring back at you.
To get the most out of your first date, here are a few choice questions that will tell you everything you need to know about whether a second date is in the cards for you two.’
What’s your dream vacation?
This helps you explore any potential common interests between the two of you. People are very generally divided into two groups on this: beach or mountains. Beach could indicate relaxing, tropical, serenity, romantic, private, etc, while mountains could point to active, rustic, nature, thrill-seeker, outdoorsy. Use this is a jumping off point to delve deeper into what else he or she likes to do with his or her free time.
Are you passionate about what you do?
This is a livelier variation of the boring old “What do you do for a living?” It also gets your date talking about a job, career aspirations, hobbies, dreams, goals, what excites him or her and all that fun stuff. From this, you can start to get a feel for whether you share any long-term dreams and desires.
If you didn’t have to work for a living, what would you do?
If you want to get to the heart of someone’s values and what’s important to them, ask this question. Would he build an after-school program and work with underprivileged children? Spend her days traveling? Fund raise for cancer? Write comedy? Or do absolutely nothing, sipping cocktails on a beach and watching the sunsets?
Are you close with your family?
The adage goes that you should look to the way a guy treats his mother to know how he’ll treat you. Sure, you can pay attention to that relationship, but getting to know whether someone is close to family members or prefers never to speak to them will potentially explain his or her attitude toward intimate relationships. He or she may also share snippets of any long-held beliefs adopted from childhood.
What’s the one complaint every one of your exes would make about you?
Reserve this for when things are going really well. Generally, at this point, you’ll be in awe at how wonderful your date is and want to jokingly ask “Nobody’s this perfect. There has to be something wrong with you. What am I missing?” Be coy about it, feel the situation out, and if you think your date has a strong enough sense of humor and self-awareness, go ahead and ask (or you can save it for a second or third date). What you’ll find in an answer is a behavioral pattern that your date has, and this can be very illuminating, shining light on a part of his or her permanent personality or what he or she is like in a relationship.
Happy conversing!
Do you have any other winning questions for a first date? Tell us @Lovestruck
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