So the busy online dating season created some newbie relationships for 2016, most of which are probably still enjoying that gloriously blissful lusty stage….(Jealous? Us?)
Some women however, may find themselves in the awkward position of wondering, “Is he ever going to commit to me? Am I wasting my time or what?”
OK. We need a male perspective here so step in dating and relationship expert Nick Bastion, Founder of Vixendaily.com He’s got the blokey lowdown on the biggest signs that he’s never going to commit.
1. He Doesn’t Share Anything Deep
You want to know where honest, eager commitment comes from? It comes from compatibility. It comes from two people realising that their lives are immeasurably better with each other than without each other. Why are their lives better? Because they have each others backs. They understand each others mission in life. And they’re there to support each other, through thick and thin.
That’s how you get real, honest commitment. It starts with compatibility, which is the most important ingredient, and it blooms when both people realize that they are intimately supported by the other person, no matter what.
For him to want to commit to you from the bottom of his heart, he has to feel like he can trust you with anything. To feel like no matter what he has to tell you, you won’t judge him, because you understand and support him at a deep level.
If he’s not opening up to you about anything deeper than the weather, it’s a big sign that he’s either not comfortable opening up to you, or he just doesn’t want to.
Either way, that’s a sign that he’s not planning on committing to you.
2. He Says He Doesn’t Want A Relationship
Er, OK, this seems like a really obvious sign – but it’s one that many women ignore surprisingly often. When a guy doesn’t want to be in a relationship – there are a million different ways he may express it. The problem is, the nicer he tries to be about it, the more confusing his explanation is going to be so when a woman gets a mixed list of “excuses” and confusing “reasons” why a guy “just isn’t ready” for a relationship right now – it blinds women to the main message he’s trying to convey which is: “I don’t want a relationship.”
The trap that a lot of women fall into is thinking that if she just overcomes his “reasons” he doesn’t want a relationship, he’ll want one with her. Unfortunately, his list of reasons is more often a list of excuses that he’s come up with to let her down easier and be nicer about it – which means that she’s putting in tons of effort trying to wait for him to be “ready” for something that he’s probably never going to be ready for.
If he tells you he doesn’t want a relationship – the best thing to do is really open your ears, don’t just hear what you want to hear, and ignore everything else he says about WHY he doesn’t want a relationship, just believe him and move on. Trust me, when a guy wants to commit, they’ll be no confusion.
3. He Only Calls You Late At Night
Finally, I want to talk about another trap that women fall into when they’re dating a guy.
Many women try to get a guy to commit by acting like they’re already in a relationship with him, and hoping that he’ll see how well she’s treating him and reciprocate. That means that even if he only calls and comes over late at night, and tells her that they’re not exclusive with each other, she will still be exclusive to him in an effort to get him to reciprocate and be exclusive to her.
The problem with this thinking is obvious when you write it down – but when you’re in the middle of emotional turmoil it seems like the “safe” thing to do. After all – if you treat him really well and make sure that he knows he’s the only man for you, shouldn’t it make him like you more and want to commit?
Honestly? No. The way to get commitment from a guy is for him to know, unambiguously and clearly, that you’re single and 100% on the market until he locks you down and commits to you. The only way to get him to be self-motivated to commit to you is if he knows that you are exactly as committed to him as he is to you – and if he’s not committed to you and exclusive with you, then you aren’t with him.
Otherwise, he won’t be self-motivated to commit to you. Instead, you’ll be trying to MAKE him commit to you, instead of him WANTING to commit to you. So if you want him to WANT to commit to you – it means being as single as he is, and staying on the market until he explicitly takes you off of it.
Either he doesn’t ‘lock you down’ after you make it clear you’re on the market – which means he was NEVER going to and you don’t have to waste any more time with him – or he does lock you down and you get the commitment you wanted. Either way, you win.
Vixendaily.com is the only site out there that specializes in mind-reading quizzes, content and advice tailored to your particular needs. It’s like having your own personal mentor guiding you through life’s challenges every step of the way! Nick Bastion is the main contributor to the Love & Relationship Advice section of the site.
Know of any other sure signs he’ll never commit? Tell us @Lovestruck
