Do you ever hassle your partner about putting out the bins? Tidying up after himself? Picking wet towels off the bedroom floor? Cutting down on his drinking? Guys, do you find yourselves going quiet and heading off to your man cave just to get some peace? Time to go easy on the nagging ladies because a new study has shown that it could wreck your relationship. Here’s why:
A study revealed that ‘nagged’ people become so worn down that they go silent making them both withdrawn and resentful. Psychologists call the act of expecting a partner to know how we are feeling as ‘passive immobility’ and this prevents us from making up properly afterwards.
The study by Baylor University’s College of Arts & Sciences in Texas and published in the Journal of the American Psychological Association was split into three sections. The first section asked 2,588 people who were either cohabiting or married about how they handled an argument. They asked whether they waited for their partner to guess how they were feeling, then they were asked about their levels of satisfaction within the relationship. The second study saw 223 adults in exclusive relationships asked about their opinions on ‘withdrawal’ attachment, and expectations of ‘mind reading’ and how happy they were in their partnerships. The final study saw 135 students in serious relationships discussing their attitudes towards disagreements and arguments.
Researchers found that ‘withdrawal’ or going quiet was one of the most popular ways of avoiding being critisised but ultimately ended in the couples not communicating well and consequently feeling very dissatisfied. The study also discovered that there was a strong link between the people who expected their partners to know what was wrong and were really unhappy in their romances.
Psychology Professor Keith Sanford said: ‘Withdrawal is most problematical and harmful for relationships. It’s a defensive tactic that people use when they feel they are being attacked, and there’s a direct association between withdrawal and lower satisfaction overall within the relationship.
‘You’re worried about how much your partner loves you, and that’s associated with neglect. You feel sad, hurt and vulnerable. Often, you have one person who withdraws and the other who demands. It’s a vicious circle, the more the one demands and complains, the more the other withdraws, and so on until something has to give, and that’s usually the relationship.’
Uh oh! Time to stop nagging? Are you a nagger or are you nagged? Tell us @lovestruck, if you want. When you’re ready, no pressure..we don’t wanna nag.
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