Did 2014 feature a break-up for you? Are you determined to face 2015 with a clean dating slate…but er, really want to keep that ex on the scene? You broke up but not ‘so badly’ you want them out of your life forever, right?
Ok then. Staying in contact with an ex can feel tricky, especially if you plan to date again, but you’re not alone. It’s a route many of us take so here are our top dos and don’ts:
DO create new boundaries: Decide together what is and isn’t appropriate when it comes to keeping in contact. We suggest that late night visits, long texts and emotional emails are a big no-no. Sometimes by giving yourself a complete break from being in contact with each other can help you move forwards. Yes, they may want to know how you are and if you are dating again etc. and you probably feel the same. But frankly, until you feel ready to talk to them, that is none of their business – and vice versa.
DON’T seek comfort in their arms: This is a huge recovery no-no. By jumping back into bed with an ex or crying on their shoulder about the good times, you will just prolong your recovery…and thecpain. Instead, find support from your friends, family and other people who have your best interests at heart. If you ex sends you pleading emails and calls, which can often happen if you start dating again, be firm but fair and tell them they need to seek support elsewhere, too.
DON’T talk them online: Resist the urge to look at their Facebook page or Twitter feed because science has proved that the more time you spend looking at what they are doing, the more distress you will experience and the more difficulty you will find it to move on. Give yourself a complete social media break – then go back to it when you feel you are ready to be friends.
DON’T post things about your ex online: This is just asking for trouble. By all means if you want to have a moan to a friend, do so but make sure the conversation is private.
DO be confident: If you’re feeling a bit bruised take time to boost your confidence by spending time with friends, focusing on work or a new hobby and by treating yourself well.
DO remember why you broke up: It’s very easy to look back on old relationships with rose-tinted glasses (the amazing weekend breaks, those cosy nights in yada yada…) but if you’re starting to go all gooey-eyed, remember why the relationship broke down in the first place. Focus all the little things that used to dive you crazy about them – and not in a good way!
DO wait before you try to be friends: Going straight from dating to trying to be friends just never works because emotions are running too high. Give yourself some time to move on and then try to rekindle your friendship.
DO delete their family’s numbers from your phone: There is no reason to have the number of his sister or her best mate’s digits on your phone and the last thing you want to do is accidentally drunk dial them by mistake. Delete!
They say the best way to completely get over an ex is to fall in love again so give yourself the best possible chance…
What other dos and don’ts do you have on your ex-etiquette memo? Tell us @lovestruck
Tweet
