When it comes to relationship commitment, there are two groups of people. Those that do and those that don’t, simples. The relationship committed spend their time looking for the one in the hope of getting married and starting a family. The non-committed will be somewhat ‘freaked out’ by this idea and if this is you, hello! Welcome to the commitment phobe club!
What’s a commitment phobe? You may be a secret one and not know it. Hell you get dated, and often, but then always find a reason why the date wasn’t quite right…or maybe you did actually like them, but then don’t pursue a second date because, well, some reason.
In general, more men are commitment phobes than women. Most women are pre-programmed to want to to be in relationships, often because they value them more and are judged more by others on their relatiohsip status. Men still tend to be valued for their career status and income. Women often want to commit more quickly than men and want to stay in relationships longer (even when the relationships aren’t working all that well) because compared to men, a woman’s status diminishes more when she’s single,” says love and sex therapist Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell Put another way, “Just think of the pejorative terms we use for single women — spinster, old maid — but a single man is simply a bachelor — a term without negative connotation.”
But sadly, if the idea of sticking with one person freaks you out, you’re holding yourself back from many experiences that can often be better when you’re in a relationship: Rather than regular hook-up’s with different people, sex with the same person can get better over time, plus you have more security, you can be more vulnerable and allow yourself to have more healthy, fun, passionate emotions — to name a few. Does that sound so bad? Not sure? Ponder these points.
It’s Never Going To Be The ‘Perfect’ Time
Dr. Abrell says it’s mostly the guys who want to get their so-called financial ducks in a row before they consider adding a swan to their lake. “When a man believes he’s on track toward his career aspirations, he feels more confident in himself and what he can bring to a relationship,” she says. “He then can begin to open up to the idea of commitment and marriage. Before then, he will certainly enjoy the companionship his relationships provide but he won’t yet feel compelled to commit.”
But life isn’t like that, especially in a volatile economy — there are always going to be bright times and tough ones, a journey often travelled better with a partner by your side.
Say How You Feel
Do you say ‘maybe’ a fair bit? Using this word alot is the ultimate red flag giveaway. It’s indecisive. Maybe’ can be a sign that, instead of living in the now, you’re still leaving yourself open to the possibilities of something better coming along. ‘Maybe’ you’ll want another ginger biscuit with that cup of tea, when you sit, aged 103, alone in an old people’s home. Harsh but true. Think about it. Time whizzes by in the blink of an eye.
Don’t Be Afraid of the Future
When you were a kid — you probably had a few dreams, right? Maybe you imagined being the next Tom Cruise, Bono, an Astronaut, F1 driver married to a supermodel. Whatever it was, you weren’t afraid to dream about what your future held because it felt elusive and far, far away. But no one ever knows what the future holds (or how long we have on this planet) but so the good news? Your destiny is all within your control. If talking about the future is something you can’t see yourself doing that means you’re avoiding the conversation.
If marriage is something you want in your future — and children — allow yourself to imagine what that life would be like, and if the person you’re dating or next dating could be part of that dream…
So, stop swiping left and right and arranging empty, meaningless hook-ups. get back in touch with that date…the one who made you laugh inside. They didn’t look like supermodel but they’d super always have your back for the rest of your life..if you’d give them the chance…?
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