Ah how life bombards our brains and hearts with constant decision making. What to wear, what to eat, who to date, where to go. Today for example, most of us will be deciding whether we love David’s, Ed’s, Nick’s, Nicola’s or Nige’s policies enough to vote for them. Ah but in the event of a coalition government, it’s likely you’ll prefer one of these guys over the other. But enough of politics and back to love because here’s the thing. We’re asking, ‘can you love more than one person at once?‘
The thing about love is that we don’t always get to choose who we fall for, it just kinda creeps up on us, gets under our skin, into the bloodstream, straight to the heart and boom. We’re love-intoxicated whether we like it or not. So then can you share this love with a third? We’re talking deep, serious, dedicated romantic love, not the kind you feel for your mum or brother or the twitchy kind we feel for the hot person at the party. Some will argue yes it is possible, others will say no way, the rest are not sure, it hasn’t happened to them yet.
Love or lust? Firstly, we need to be clear on what we think love really is. On a love scale of 1-10 could you imagine being without that person (10 being never ever, I cry thinking about it) So you’re with the perfect 10 and then someone unexpectedly comes along and knocks you off our feet. We want that person in our lives. Now. Whoa there, love takes time to build, surely. We think we’re in love, but we’re most likely to be confusing it with deep physical attraction, AKA – lust. Nevertheless, you have now entered the danger zone and you’ve some serious thinking to do.
Love bored? To us, deep grown-up proper love is something that grows over time as you get to know your partner, warts and all. It takes energy, work, focus, compromise and dedication just like anything else worth doing in this life. But then we can take for granted what we have, get love-lazy and complacent so when someone else comes on the scene, it’s shiny, new and exciting and stirs up the old feelings we had when we first met our current partner. Sorry folks, more often than not, it’s still not love yet and that freshly mown grass? It’s never greener.
The Love brain – The brain (and heart) has an amazing, awesome capacity to love and store billions of pieces of information, emotions, feelings and more – it’s also been trained by society to believe that love means monogamy. But then knowing what our brain is capable of, why couldn’t we find ourselves in love another? Do our hearts and minds simply become so ‘full’ to the brim with love that they are unable to ‘squeeze’ in love for another? Hmm.
Love, actually – Perhaps we think it’s not possible to love two people simply because seriously, who has the time. Loving a partner takes up so much energy and emotion that it just can’t be possible to share yet more with another. Won’t one person lose out to the another in terms of who gets the time, dedication and attention anyway? And surely you can’t feel the same type of love for two people as they are different and you’d love different things about them.
So is it possible to truly love two people? Maybe. Equally? Not likely. Can it be sustained? Er, it really shouldn’t. Major heartbreak is on the horizon for one of you and if you end up choosing one over the other, than maybe you didn’t love the one you left behind after all. But that’s a whole other blog…
Do you think you can love two people? Have you ever loved two? Tell us @lovestruck
If you enjoyed this blog, you may also like: Do you lie on a first date?
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