Perhaps you’ve only just made the move from east to west (London that is) and are suffering from an ensuing case of culture shock. Or maybe your date-ee refuses to go further east than Trafalgar Square whilst you’ve spent your whole life compiling a little black book of bars and restaurants in saaf Landon. Either way, it sounds like you need a little help planning a show-stopping date in west London. Good thing Bluffer’s are here to help.
SO WHERE SHOULD I SUGGEST?
Charlotte’s Bistro 
Charlotte’s in Chiswick (two minutes down the road from Turnham Green tube station – turn left as you come out of the station) is great for strong cocktails and sobering nibbles. Some might say it’s poorly lit but seasoned Lovestruckers should be able to recognise perfect mood lighting when they see it (or don’t see it). The food also rates highly with the semi-professional diners who bother to log their opinions on Trip Advisor but we recommend the gin school on Monday nights instead. Make sure you bluff up on gin with our guide to the not-so quintessentially English tipple before you get there – just don’t try and out-gin the expert…
Sam’s Brasserie
Also in Chiswick, Sam’s Brasserie is another chichi-looking brasserie serving up relatively inexpensive and very good cocktails. If you can get there before the happy hour ends at 7pm, all the better! After pointing out their impressive Peter Blake collection, drop into conversation that although you’re a big art buff you really don’t get to as many exhibitions as you’d like. Second date sorted.
Bush Hall Dining Rooms
If Chiswick feels so far west you’re worried you’ll accidentally end up on a Heathrow runway then try Shepherd’s Bush. Conveniently located on the Central line, Bush (as it’s lovingly known by the locals), has been up and coming for a while now; the newly opened Bush Hall Dining Rooms is proof enough. But whatever your thoughts on gentrification, the food here is delicious. The menu changes slightly from day to day but if the Earl Grey custard is on the menu, try it. Trust us. And if the custard went down well then head back towards the green to the Bush Theatre bar for a nightcap.
MAXIMUM BLUFFING VALUE
If the arrival of one well-designed restaurant with a good font doesn’t persuade you of Shepherd’s Bush’s shiny new future then £150 million worth of investment might. Property company Orion have been tasked with the regeneration of the characterful but worse-for-wear Shepherd’s Bush market. If you’re really quiet, you can hear property developers quivering with excitement and the odd siren. Although it’s probably not the best idea to start discussing housing investments on a first, or even a fifth, date. So make sure you mention that you’re very happy where you are at the moment before bringing up this little bit of trivia.
DO SAY ‘If only most of west London didn’t rely solely on the District and Piccadilly lines…’
DON’T ASK ‘If the Pet Shop Boys told you to jump off a cliff, would you? #GoWest’
