So you’re thinking of dating a mature student? Bluffer’s talk the A+’s and D-‘s:
Think mature student, think corduroy; are we correct? And pencil cases, thick-rimmed glasses… the studious ‘moths in the wallet’ look. But if you’ve fallen for their charms, you’ll be looking beyond the surface. Here’s the guide to dating someone who’s gone back to school this autumn.
Fact: you’ve bagged a bookworm
A mature student has done all that sixth form nonsense. They’ve gone back to college to *gasp* actually learn, not just get hammered on subsidised Smirnoff Ice while dancing to Rihanna. So they could be more serious than you think. Or indeed a little less fun.
Your bluffer went back to school in her *gasps again* 30s, so I know how it feels to have a textbook, homework and classes to go to. Comforting, that’s how it feels. They go back to school because they like learning – which means they’re interesting company.
Don’t date them for the money. They haven’t got any (yet).
“It’s a given that they going to be broke for a while,” say our friends at Lovestruck, “so expect to foot the bill for most or all of your dates out until they bag that job of their dreams. The good news? “It’ll teach you to be creative when planning your nights out – and a cheap or free outing can be more original and more satisfying than a costly dinner.” Everyone’s uptight when the champagne is £40 a glass, but when you’re strolling in the park or visiting a museum you can both be yourselves. As respected academic Jessie J argues, it’s not about the price tag. Anyway, when they’re travelling the world and lecturing for thousands of pounds a go, you’ve done the groundwork already.
You might feel a little thick…
There are imbalances in the best of relationships. When they tell you their latest take on Immanuel Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason and all you’ve got is Man Utd’s porous back four, how Jo at work had lovely new shoes today or what’s going to happen on ‘Enders’ tonight, it’s hard not to feel a little disadvantaged. But remember, you are the one who lives in the real world. You’ve got responsibilities and jobs and a bit of cash. You are the grown-up. This sort of thing can be fantastically attractive to someone who has to use every teabag three times. Then again, if they start patting you on the head and saying “Bless” whenever you venture an opinion, it might be time for toes.
Get ready for playground bullies.
Friends may raise eyebrows, but then there’ll always be someone who has something to say about your choice of partner. They always do when you’ve got a new person in your life. “Write it out a hundred times – you’re dating a student!” advise Lovestruck. “Shout it out at parties, wear it proudly like a prefect badge. Your partner is dedicated and passionate about bettering themselves, learning new skills and doing something about a job they were probably unhappy in. These traits actually add up to good partner material.”
Most of all, be understanding.
Play the long game; be patient with their study needs and remember it could be you one day. Annabel is studying for her PhD. “I think if my husband Steve had met me now, I wouldn’t have been such an attractive prospect,” she admits. “Especially at write-up stage, a PhD will make you crabby, obsessional, unavailable and distracted. If you really like them despite all that, hang on in there because life might get better once it’s handed in…”
Just don’t talk about their work.
Susan Steed is also studying for her PhD and has some advice for anyone dating those in the final straits of academia. 1. “Don’t ask them when they are finishing their PhD.” 2. “Don’t comment on how long they spend watching panda videos on YouTube. It’s valuable PhD thinking time, although it looks like a waste of time.” 3. “Don’t ask them why they are doing a PhD.” Stick to those rules and remember: don’t cry for me, academia.
Are you dating a mature student? Are you a mature student, dating? Tell us @lovestruck
