Bluff Your Way: Dating a Film Fanatic

Hi there, Lovestruckers!
Does your date talk in obscure film quotes which leave you feeling both confused and foolish because you’re the sort of person who never gets the Orange adverts before the feature film? Then you may not know it, but you’re in the market for the Bluffer’s Guide to Dating a Film Fanatic.

WHAT IS THE DEFINITION OF A FILM FANATIC?
Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn. Wait, wait, we’re not dismissing your question out of hand. We’re quoting from the 1939 classic Gone with the Wind starring Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh. You know, Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler running around a Civil War-torn Deep South…

UM, NEVER HEARD OF IT…
Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to be a bumpy ride. That’s Bette Davis in All About Eve, 1950. Never heard of that one either?

NOPE…!
Okay so here’s what you do to impress your film-loving date. Go cult and go classic. Think the BFI on a Sunday, not Vue on a Wednesday, black and white over 3D and subtitles over dubbed titles. If possible, keep it vague and let them do the choosing, but if pressed for an answer come movie night, say you’re working your way through cult film critic Danny Peary’s 1986 Guide for the Film Fanatic . He mentioned over 1,650 films so you can’t be blamed for not having progressed onto the more modern stuff.

AND HOW DO I AVOID DISAPPOINTING THEM?
Never suggest watching a remake made in the last decade or three. Unless, and only unless, you’ve both seen the original, in which case you’re permitted to suggest that it might make for interesting ‘compare and contrast’ viewing. (This rule does not apply to such abominations as Footloose, 2011.)

GOT IT. ALL REMAKES ARE BAD.
Well, it’s not that black and white… As ever, there are a few exceptions to the no-remakes rule. These include: The Parent Trap, 1998 (a pre-meltdown Lindsey Lohan shines as the red-headed incarnation of the original 1961 twins); Some Like it Hot, 1961 (yep, it’s a remake – the French got there first with Fanfare d’Amour in 1935); and The Fly, 1985 (watching Jeff Goldblum beats trying to ignore the sticky tape holding the fly’s costume together in the 1958 Neumann original every time).

DO SAY: ‘Hitchcock is so over-investigated. Where’s the slew of biopics about Stanley Kubrick?’
DON’T SAY: ‘TV is the new film.’