Dating is one big bluff. On hearing that your new beau likes skiing, long walks and Sunday roasts you smile and nod your head in agreement, only to reveal six months later that wild mountain lions couldn’t drag you near a ski slope, that you always take the lift and that you, like Carrie Bradshaw, count your oven as extra storage space. So what should you bluff up on if your date introduces themself as an actor/model/musician?
Are those professions really interchangeable?
There are two answers to this excellent question. The first (and truthful) answer being: yes. Every actor-in-training is also taught to sing, dance, blub and pout on cue. But every actor/model/musician, who hasn’t yet made a name for themselves, is also taught to pull a pint and pour a cappuccino. Think of your date’s poorly funded profession as a spectrum.
Will that opinion really endear me to them?
No. We were just getting around to the second (and politically correct) answer. Which is: of course not! Never let slip a flippant ‘and/or’ when discussing your date’s blossoming career or ask the forbidden question: what’s your actual job?
Got it. So what can we talk about?
Bearing in mind that they’re an all-singing, all-dancing bundle of muscles like walnuts in a sack, you’re bound to strike lucky if you bring up the gym. Pulled tendons and muscle spasms are also fertile bluffing territory. Like athletes, the aesthetically superior are constantly sustaining injuries for their art.
That sounds a bit too gory – anything else?
Early starts and training. Every actor will have woken up at the crack of dawn to pretend to be a piece of bacon and every musician to practice the flute (and every model would like to think they’ve worked that hard). Bring up 1983 film Flashdance, or the cult classic Channel 4 programme Nearly Famous (not to be confused with Kate Hudson’s own indie classic Almost Famous – though that’s also worth a mention) and ask if it really is that physically and emotionally gruelling. Leave any sarcasm at home.
Maximum bluffing value
If you happen to be doing a little pre-date research (the politically correct term for ‘stalking’), then don’t be alarmed if you discover what appears to be a self-aggrandising portfolio of photos featuring them smiling saccharinely to camera. Don’t judge your date by the carefully structured poses, evident air-brushing and sepia tones of their profile pictures. These are headshots and they’re mandatory for young professionals trying to make it in the arts. They also cost a bomb.
DO SAY: ‘I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.’
DON’T ASK: ‘Which drama school did you say you went to again? A couple of my actor friends didn’t recognise the name.’
Photos: Topman and Burton
