Ladies. We hear your exasperated conversations with girlfriends after a bad date rightly asking, ‘what planet are men on?’ and ‘just what the hell are they thinking?”
Well, truth is us guys function on a pretty basic level when it comes to dating so what are we thinking? Sshhhh, something like this, actually…
1. You looked hot in your profile, it’s one, ok, the main reason we asked you on a date. Superficial, we know, but its how we roll in the beginning.
2. For the first few minutes of the date, we’re not hearing much of what you say, we’re just imagining what you’d be like naked. We also scan your body measurements with the speed and precision of the Terminators red eye, but we probably won’t ask for your ‘clothes, your boots and your motorcycle.’ Not on a first date anyway.
3. Think you’re the only one’s who likes a little flattery? Lay it on us men too. We like the fact you’ve noticed if we’ve made an effort.
4. Shocker. We hate selfies. When we say ‘OK a selfie, great’ we are flat out lying. We hate doing the duck-face pout. We suck at it.
5. If we don’t fancy you when we meet, you probably won’t get second dated. Shallow, harsh but true. That does not mean you’re not attractive. You are, but to somebody else.
6. We notice if you don’t thank us when we pay for stuff. Don’t take us paying for granted. We’re often just as broke as you.
7. We check face, boobs and legs in that order – then ask you to look at something ‘over there’ so we can quickly check them out again.
8. Being funnier and more intelligent than us sometimes makes us insecure. We know this is 100% our problem and we’re learning to get over it but please still laugh at our jokes in the meantime.
9. We still check out other women when we’re with you but we come in peace, we mean you no harm.
10. We like to think of ourselves as Superheroes with the ability to rescue you from burning buildings and the bad guys. But ladies, we don’t do emotional drama early on when dating. It freaks us out. Get your s*** together if you want to get to steady relationship status.
11. No matter how hot you are, we still look at porn but then more of you do these days too so we don’t feel as bad.
12. We really want you to say we are the ‘best lover’ you ever had. And mean it.
13. Just because we like porn, don’t think we want to date someone with unnatural porn-star attributes. We don’t. Fantasy and reality. We still seperate the two.
14. We don’t like appearing as a Facebook couple without you telling us first. Not unless we’ve checked we are rating high on the hair, ‘guns’ and overall buff scale. Our mates could see us.
15. If we want you, we will hunt you down. Period. Though we probably won’t hunt for as long as our ancestors did…they didn’t have the benefits world wide web and online dating.
16. We’re modern guys, but it still doesn’t sit right when you chase us or ask us out on a date. Give us time.
17. Give us a clue. It’s scary to ask for that second date when we’re not sure you liked us in ‘that’ way. Don’t be coy. Give us a clue like a quick face-lick before you go.
18. If you foolishly agree to come out with our mates, you’ll see a rapid decline in maturity levels by about 90%. We regress to child-like toilet humour, shouting, crudeness, caveman grunts and high-fiving. Nope, we don’t know why we do it either.
19. We’d actually prefer a night out with our mates than a date but we don’t want to marry our mates, so we date.
20. We’re afraid of getting our hearts broken just like you but we’ll never show like you can.
22. We want to say we love you before you say it.
So, still interested in dating us guys? Incredible. We love that about you…
Any more honest thoughts to add, chaps? Tell us @Lovestruck
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