Firstly, let’s hear it for the single dating parents. We know how hard you’re jugglin’ and finding time to date in a manic schedule is really rather awesome.
Here at Lovestruck you’re in good company with many of our members in the same boat. But whether you’re single with kids and looking to get back in the dating saddle or are single and looking to date someone with kids, you’ll no doubt have a few questions and concerns.
Here are the most common:
Dating when you have kids:
- Do I admit I have children on my dating profile? We see where you’re coming from here. Yes, sadly admitting you have children may get you fewer approaches but on the plus side, the approaches you do get will probably be more genuine which should eliminate time-wasters. They hopefully be accepting of your situation too and maybe even have children themselves.
- When to introduce your kids to a new partner? There’s no right or wrong answer here, you go with your instinct, but you probably feel you’d like to give the relationship long enough to know that you’re both on the same page when it comes to wanting a long-term relationship. Someone who wants to be up all night partying for instance, isn’t going to fit your parent lifestyle. Consider the age of your child too as sometimes the older they are the more difficult it can be for them to accept someone new in your life.
- What if my child doesn’t like them? This is a tricky dilemma to face but you need to get to the root of the problem. Younger children might just need time to adjust and come round to the idea where as older children can be clever enough to know your new partner will take the attention away from them and start to rebel. They just need to know they still have your love and attention regardless of you dating. Be an open door when it comes to chatting through any concerns. If you and your new partner are committed to being together, you will be, just give it time. It’ll be worth it.
Dating someone with kids:
Unless you are a parent yourself, when you’re single you’re probably not looking to date someone with kids. It maybe just seems like a lot to take on. Sometimes however, you just click with a person so then you need to consider what dating someone with kids might entail. Remember, parents have to be fairly selfless, mature and calm people and these traits are a great plus for a relationship too.
- Be prepared to see their Ex: The father or mother of their child will hopefully still factor in their child’s life (how much so may depend on how amicable or ugly the break-up was) so you need to be comfortable with that. Not many of us would be happy with seeing our partner’s ex’s partners but in time, you’ll get used to the arrangement and it will all seem pretty normal.
- They’re serious about love: Bringing someone new into their child’s life is a big deal. No one plans a break-up when they have kids and they don’t want their children to see different partners come and go. If they have introduced you to their precious ones, it shows they not are not only thinking of you long-term, but obviously feel the character traits you possess are right for them all. Pat yourself on the back! You’re obviously pretty special.
- Be flexible: If their children are under 18, your date arrangements can change at the very last minute. From be letting down with childcare to forgotten school functions or the kids being ill – accept your date might have to let you down from time to time. They’ll be as narked as you though, trust us.
- Kids will be kids: Keep in mind a child may still feel very close to their mother or father and see you as someone who is trying to take their place. For some, this can lead to anger and rejection towards you at first. It will settle in time. They just want to know you aren’t going to steal their mum or dad away.
- Be sure of your feelings and intentions as early as possible. Their children/child could grow very fond of you and the last thing they need is for someone else to walk out on them. Equally you will probably grow very fond of them too and will hopefully feel more committed to making the relationship work.
Dating someone with kids may take a little more time, effort and consideration (from both sides) but have no doubt you can be incredibly and harmoniously happy-ever-after.
Are you dating with children? Or dating someone with children? Share your tips/advice and stories @Lovestruck
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