Are you the kind of guy or girl who starts dating someone and then everything starts to revolve around him or her? Whoop whoop – alarm bells. You’re a ‘morpher’ – easily moulded by a partner like you were plasticine. OK, you are probably striving to be the perfect partner, which is understandable but perhaps you are not prioritising your own needs? So how do you find the right balance? Here are our top tips:
1. Always make time for your friends: Never, ever drop your friends in favour of a new partner and make time to see them – on your own. It’s a very different dynamic if you take your boyfriend or girlfriend along and probably far less intimate. Put time aside in your diary for drinks and brunch and stick to it.
2. Stick to your hobbies: Never give up your hobbies and interests just because you are in a relationship. These are part of who you are and what makes you interesting.
3. Have your own opinions: Do not agree with your partner all the time just to become more endearing – have your own ideas and be vocal about them. They’ll respect you more for it. Don’t be afraid to vocalise what you want because you are afraid it does not make you the perfect partner, or because you are scared of losing them. A functional relationship is one in which you can be open about what you think and what you need and want.
4. Pursue your own goals: By all means make plans with your partner but make sure you know what you want out of your career and in your personal life. Spend time making note of the things you are aiming for in all areas of your life away from your partner.
5. Disconnect online: Do you spend time away from them yet spend the whole time checking their Facebook or tweeting messages to them? When you are apart do you own thing, be it working, exercising, spending time with friends or pursuing personal projects.
6. Compartmentalise: When you and they have a row or are not having a great time, try your hardest to not let it affect other areas of your life like work and your friendships. If your mood depends totally on how the relationship is going, it is not a healthy one.
7. Don’t let someone else “complete you”: Jerry Maguire was a Hollywood movie. This kind of statement is never a good thing in the real world. Your partner should make you feel loved and happy – but not make you feel whole. Only you can do that.
Are you a bit of a morpher? Any other tips on how not to lose yourself in a relationship?
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