Hello Lovestruckers!
Bluffers here again – helping you bluff your way through the high stakes dating game. Our guiding mantra? Maximum credibility, minimum effort. On that note, and with summer on its way, there’s only one thing we should be talking about this week: picnics.
Picnics, really?
What do you mean, ‘Really?’ Of course! Picnics ask very little of you and will never fail to impress. There’s no booking (or queuing if you’ve decided to risk it at a no reservations restaurant), no annoying waiters and fellow flirting diners to contend with and, best of all, no whopping great bill to split at the end of the evening.
Okay, I’m sold. Where are the best picnicking spots in London?
Regents Park is useful in that it’s centrally located and is set against a backdrop of million-dollar-mansions, but, due to early closing toilets and a lack of nice nearby pubs, it’s best reserved for daytime dates. If you’re planning an after-work picnic (although let’s face it, the sun chooses the date, not you) then head east to London Fields. There are a lot of great nearby pubs you can decamp to after dark, suggest the Cat and Mutton or Pub on the Park. If east London is just a little out of your comfort tube zone then suggest Hyde Park –but make sure you specify somewhere near the Serpentine Gallery– or, better because it’s less gargantuan, St James’ Park. The Inn in the Park can also be used as an indoor retreat if the weather takes a turn for the British. Last but definitely not least is Greenwich Park, near Wolfe’s statue by The Observatory. You’d be hard-pressed to find a better view of London.
Right. What do I need to bring?
At the risk of stating the obvious, food is a must. If you’re a culinary god/dess then whip up some homemade hummus and a perfectly baked quiche and you’ll go down in dating history. If your pastry suffers from the condition known as ‘soggy bottom’ then stop in at M&S or Waitrose (Tesco’s is not date-appropriate. Sainsbury’s is passable) on the way to the park. This is not an admission of defeat; everyone loves deli food. Go for olives, stuffed peppers, crisps and a bit of baguette. You know the drill…dates eat the same food as everyone else (although do check if they’re veggie before you buy the chorizo platter). You should also bring a blanket and the necessary cutlery. Paper plates and napkins show thoughtfulness and attention to detail but are by no means essential.
What about alcohol?
Here’s the clever bit. Tell your date to meet you at your chosen location and when they ask if they need to bring anything (which they will, unless they have terrible manners and then they’re not the sort of person you should be trying to impress) say: ‘You’re in charge of cups and ice (and drink…).’ (Bonus points if they get the Friends reference.) This way, they get to set the alcoholic tone of the evening. Fingers crossed they opt for G&Ts over Schloer… But if they don’t, at least you won’t accidentally get drunk by yourself.
DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK ‘It’s getting a bit chilly, shall we head inside for a drink?’
DON’T SAY ‘This is going terribly. You’ve got your dirty feet all over my rug and you have three poppy seeds stuck in your teeth.’
