Hello Lovestruckers!
Last week Bluffer’s warned you how absolutist Londoners are about their postcodes. So if you’re dating someone with a postcode beginning with ‘N’ then you’re unlikely to secure a second date by inviting them for a cocktail at the tenpin bowling venue All Star Lanes in Brick Lane, E1.
SO WHERE SHOULD I SUGGEST THEN?
Well, if you’re set on bowling then Rowans in Finsbury Park is a bit of a legend among north Londoners. It’s also rumoured to be closing down so you’d better pluck up the courage and suggest that date sooner rather than later – or never. But make no mistakes, Rowans is kitsch not classy. They do a great line in cheap Prosecco though. Take the Wells Road exit out of Finsbury Park tube station, turn left, dodge the buses and it’s the somewhat dismal looking door to the left of the neon chicken shop just before the somewhat dismal bridge. Hang onto your shoes though, they don’t take them off your hands when you hire your bowling footwear and no (successful) date can possibly end with you shuffling home in those red and blue clown brogues.
BOWLING, REALLY? 
It’s ironic. Sort of. But after you’ve realised that bowling is best left to the teenagers clumped together on the sticky carpets of Rowan’s, suggest something a little more grown up. The secluded maze that is the pub garden of the Faltering Fullback (an ivy-clad pub beloved by north Londoners) is perfect for reliving your multiple strikes. They also serve great Thai food. Or, if you’re still pushing the novelty factor of cheap and cheerful dating, then take them to Pizza Pappagone’s on the Stroud Green Road.
As the backs of the waiters’ t-shirts say, it’s a nice’a place to stuffa your face. Seriously.
WHAT ABOUT DAYTIME DATING?
Whether you’re trying to impress on an idyllic afternoon date or trying to maintain pretences the morning after, Hampstead Heath is where you want to end up. Aim for Parliament Hill, admire the tiny version of London laid out in front of you and refrain from saying ‘Everything the light touches will one day be yours’. If you’re more alcove-y with an ale in hand than outdoorsy then point your Google maps in the direction of 22 Holly Mt, Hampstead (aka, The Holly Bush pub). The wood panelled drinking den is also conveniently close to Hampstead tube station so you can hightail it back wherever you actually came from.
MAXIMUM BLUFFING VALUE
In the last twelve months, the figure for reported crimes in the north London borough of Haringey was 10,000 or so lower than that of south London borough Lambeth. Although if we’re playing that game, we should all move to Kingston… North London also boasts great primary schools, a plethora of green spaces and more buggies than the Mothercare depot. This is handy, because after all your fantastic north London date suggestions you’ll no doubt be settling down to marriage, kids and the Sunday crossword before you can board the first 24-hour tube.
DO SAY: ‘London is London, and wherever you are in this amazing network of London villages, we’re all Londoners at heart.’
DON’T SAY: ‘I can understand why you never want to go south of the river.’
Happy Bluffing from Bluffers’!
