You may be aware that the Rugby World Cup is this weekend – a bone crunching 6 week festival of super tackles, power and pace. These guys are something (girls think Jonny Wilkinson and Chris Robshaw) and once more, they’re real men wouldn’t you say? But enough about tight white shorts, sweaty scrums and fine tackles as we revisit the Bluffer’s guide to dating a Rugby player…
Have you landed yourself the perfect date only to discover that they as well as having a passion for good food, Breaking Bad and splitting the bill they also love rugby? It happens to the best of us.
WAIT, WHY IS IT AN ISSUE TO DATE A RUGBY TYPE?
As long as you’re not dating an actual rugby player (who will come with cauliflower ears and semi-permanent head injuries as standard) then sharing your weekends with someone who shares their life with rugby isn’t all that difficult.
OKAY. HOW DO I BLUFF THE BASICS?
Rugby consists of two teams of 15 players. The scrum is when eight forwards from each team push against each other and seemingly hold on to each other bits. The scrum-half from the team that has been awarded possession feeds the ball into the centre of the scrum. A try is the primary method of scoring (touching the ball to the ground in a goal area) and worth 5 points. A ruck looks very much like Newcastle on a Saturday night – where opposing players fight over a girl, sorry, ball. If a side commits a penalty infringement the opposition can take the option of a place kick at goal and is worth 3 points.
Rugby matches are 10 minutes shorter than football matches (80 not 90 minutes), presumably because the players run around ten times faster and ten times more aggressively than their footballing counterparts. So don’t wonder why everybody is leaving ten minutes before the end.
WHAT SHOULDN’T I SAY WHILST WATCHING RUGBY?
Don’t guffaw over the fact that a rugby teams consists of props, locks and hookers. If you’re a long-standing rugger fan (which of course you aren’t) this joke should have grown old by now. And don’t point out that something must have gone wrong with the scoring tally because it just jumped from 0 to 3 to 8. Re-read the above point system.
MAXIMUM BLUFFING VALUE
Although there were many proto-versions of the sport, the modern game is said to have begun at Rugby School when a future clergyman, William Webb Ellis, picked up the ball and ran with it because he was bored with playing football.
Best not to ask what one does when one is bored of rugby. Maybe that’s how Dodge Ball was invented?
DO SAY ‘I prefer rugby to soccer. I enjoy the violence in rugby, except when they start biting each other’s ears off.’ (Well if it was good enough for Elizabeth Taylor…)
DON’T SAY ‘I think I’d make a good hooker.’ (Probably not true in either sense.)
