Hello Lovestruckers! Bluffer’s here again. Christmas is finally within reach, which means that the dating season is slowing down (people don’t tend to date on Christmas Day as a 
rule) but don’t worry – it’ll pick up again come Boxing Day!. But whilst you’re heading back home to eat your body weight in roast potatoes and tired sprouts, spare a thought for the wives and girlfriends of Christmas, or, more specifically, for Mrs Claus.
UM, OKAYYY.
It’s not everyone who can stand in the shadows and blithely watch on as her husband’s face is splashed across Coca Cola billboards the world over. Just ask the women whose other, rosier-cheeked halves are playing the part of Santa in a Christmas panto or at a Winter Wonderland this year (hopefully not in Milton Keynes…). It’s no fun being a lower priority than every child waiting in line at the Christmas grotto. And Mrs Claus has a couple of billion children to contend with.
THAT DOES SOUND ANNOYING.
Yep. It’s very hard (maybe even immoral) to steal the limelight from innocent children who’ve spent all year being good. (Because Santa always knows if you’ve been bad or good). In fact, you’d receive more attention dating a lawyer or a cyclist. The only thing to do is grin and bear it – just look at Michelle Obama for inspiration. Actually don’t. She 
usually leaves out the grin bit.
SO WHAT’S EXPECTED OF DATING SANTA CLAUS?
Apart from graciously putting the needs of children first, your main role is to help uphold the fib, sorry magic. So don’t do what a vicar in Wiltshire did and spoil the Christmases for a whole congregation of children by revealing the origins of the legend of Santa Claus. As Santa’s love interest you’ll also be expected to help the elves knock out a few million rocking horses and Playstation 4s by 24 December. But don’t pout, before the 1960s you weren’t even allowed into the workshop, let alone to touch the gingerbread men’s gum drop buttons.
THERE MUST BE A SILVER LINING?
Christmas comes but once a year…which means that for the other 11 months of the year (8 if you’re based in the US where Christmas starts in August) you get your red-and-white-robed beardie partner to yourself (that’s if you can ignore Rudolph and his mates, and the swarms of elves with whom you share your home).
MAXIMUM BLUFFING VALUE
If you’re feeling hard done by this festive season, remember that you are not alone. As they say, behind every great man there’s a great woman, and she’s usually better dressed (this is definitely true in the case of Mrs Claus – it’s hard to see how she could be otherwise). Indeed, poet laureate Carol Ann Duffy published a whole poetry collection entitled The World’s Wife (1999) which redirected attention away from the menfolk of fiction and history to their side-lined wives. Poems include Mrs Lazarus, Mrs Midas and Mrs Darwin. Think of it as a women’s group for WAGs. If you find yourself with some down time, try penning ‘Mrs Claus’, it could be a Christmas bestseller…
DO SAY ‘I admire your commitment to the world’s children.’
DON’T ASK ‘Will you be late home tonight?’
