Hello London’s Lovestruckers! It’s almost December which means that the party season (and all of its concomitant dating) has arrived. If New Year’s Eve wasn’t also just around the corner it would be a great time to be single in the city. Luckily we’re on hand to help you plan an evening so spectacular that your date will still be talking about it in January.
WHERE SHOULD I TAKE THEM?
To the newly opened Ape & Bird pub. This is the latest venture from restaurateurs Russell 
Norman and Richard Beatty. The gargantuan restaurant in Cambridge Circus (120-covers spread across three floors and 5000 sq ft) is their sixth collaboration together and will house a restaurant, a pub and three bars. You might finally be able to get a table then.
WHOA, SLOW DOWN. WHO ARE THESE TITANS OF GASTO CRED?
Don’t ask that within earshot of a foodie, or anyone who reads TimeOut and owns a woollen beanie. Russell Norman and Richard Beatty are the culinary cool kids responsible for all three Polpo restaurants (NB. ‘Polpo is Italian for octopus), Mishkins and Spuntino (you’d be forgiven for mistaking these restaurants with a roll call on the set of The Hobbit). The three Polpo sisters in Soho, Covent Garden and Smithfields, advertise themselves (very quietly) as Venetian bàcari (trans. humble setting, good Venetian food), Mishkins is ‘a kind-of Jewish deli’ and Spuntino is an American diner with 27 stools and a popcorn machine. So the Ape and Bird’s gastro pub premise is a bit of a departure from the pizettes and sliders of yore; this is modern British dining at its best. They’re even serving mutton and pickled onion-flavoured monster munch. But however tempting this nostalgic bar snack sounds, avoid like the plague (unless you’ve got a supply of Smints secreted about your person).
WHERE IS IT?
The three-floored pub is quite hard to miss. It’s located on the corner of Cambridge Circus nearest to Covent Garden. With the exception of Polpo in Smithfields, most of Norman and Beatty’s restaurants are dotted in and around Soho, making the Ape & Bird the most mainstream, as well as the largest, of the six establishments. Despite being on this busy thoroughfare halfway down Shaftesbury Avenue the nearest tube stops (Tottenham Court Road, Covent Garden and Leicester Square) are all about a five minute walk way. Make that ten minutes with stoppage time for aimlessly meandering tourists. Unless you’re eager to reveal your aggressive pavement rage, arrange to meet your date at the pub.
HOW MUCH?
Dinner for two with drinks will set you back about £60. So fingers crossed you don’t end up footing the entire bill yourself…
WHAT ELSE IS NEARBY?
Try the late-night opening Phoenix Artist Club just down the road. This bizarre underground bar feels like walking into a production of Bugsy Malone set in Harry Potter haunt the Leaky Cauldron (this might be because it was used in the opening scenes of one of the Potter films). Being located in the original dressing rooms of the Phoenix Theatre, it’s filled to the brim with one-time props and other paraphernalia but if you get there before 8pm (after which time membership is required) it’s unusually and enjoyably empty for such a central venue.
MAXIMUM BLUFFING VALUE
Before deciding to sear steaks and slice fennel for Soho’s cultural elite, Russell Norman was the head of English and drama at a girl’s school in Stanmore who moonlighted at Joe Allen’s (an American brasserie in Covent Garden) on the weekends. But he decided to quit the education system to become a full-time maître d’ because the money was better. And with that, segue into a conversation about the terrible treatment of teachers these days. Everyone likes a date with a social conscience, especially when they also know where to find the best Welsh rarebit in London.
DO ASK ‘Have you done the Russell Norman bar crawl?’
DON’T ASK ‘Sounds great! When can I book a table?’ (It’s another ‘no dinner reservations’ restaurant.)
