To stand out from the Lovestruck crowd it helps to:
Upload a photo (or five)
A photo on your profile will get 148 times as many winks and messages as one without. So if you don’t have a photo on your profile, you’re doing yourself a huge dating disservice. People would rather flirt with someone they know has a face.
Write a profile to show that you’re seriously hot property
Yes, a good set of photos are clearly important – looks count – but if your profile doesn’t reflect the wondrous, unique lovability of YOU, then your photo may as well feature you in a mullet and stonewashed jean jacket for all the good it’ll do you.
Put simply, you’ve got to be the best possible version of yourself: the well-dressed, funny, impressive, adorable, intelligent, flirtatious, warm, attractive, kissable, self-assured, memorable YOU. But like pimpin’, it ain’t easy.
So, to help you out, here are a few simple tips to help you write a truly ace profile.
1. Avoid clichés like the plague
If you describe yourself as someone who likes “going out, going to the cinema, having a bit of a laugh, hanging out with my friends, quite easygoing but like to do new things” then frankly, you sound like everyone I’ve ever met. Including my mother.
If you say “I like going out to small bars with big drinks and free postcards in the hall next to the toilets. I like sleeping in the cinema and making up the plot when I leave. I like laughing at my friends when they are drunk and helpless. I like having impromptu drinking competitions on inappropriate weeknights” then you sound like someone with a bit of pizzazz. Originality rocks.
2. Don’t just lie there
If you don’t spend at least, oh, I don’t know, six minutes writing your profile, you probably won’t stand out from the rest of the Lovestruck crowd. A bit of forethought and effort is the only way to get that special someone out there to bark aloud with laughter and try to cover it up with a cough before their co-workers notice, and then want to Lovestruck you left, right and centre.
3. Steal one of our ideas
Of course, originality and effort can be overrated. And you’re a busy, ridiculously good-looking professional Londoner. You don’t have time to compose stunning prose for hungry would-be daters. So just bash out a quick list of ‘Stuff I Like’* or ask and then answer a random question, like ‘What my childhood nickname was and why’, ‘My secret talents’ or ‘G-string vs pants: an analysis’. It’s the lazy way out, but it works.
4. Don’t overshare
Your profile is designed to give a taste of the best of you. It’s not really the place to unzip your chest, pluck out your heart and soul and lay them naked and pulsating on the online dating operating table waiting for the next punter to attack them with a scalpel.
Don’t reveal too much about the horrors of love and dating, the capriciousness of women and the utter b&stardry of men. Keep that stuff ’til later.
5. Play the flirt
You’re gorgeous, sweetcheeks, so share your gorgeousness. Be coy. Be confident. Be wry. Be unusual. Smirk, frown questioningly, arch your eyebrow and pout your lip – all through the medium of words, of course. It’s called flirting and dammit, it’s fun.
6. Be cool
This just comes down to not using lots of exclamation marks. One or two is ok, but more than that makes you sound breathless and overexcited. And that’s not cool. The Fonz wouldn’t use lots of exclamation marks.
Thanks for reading. You’ve been a great crowd. I’m here all week. Try the veal.
The Lovestruck Lovebot
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